The Reset Button

Yes folks, I am once again back to this almost dead blog. I really have nobody and no place to turn to anyway. This is the only place I have to organize my thoughts and reflect.

Right off the bat, I have to say that it's been a rough couple of months for me. My life went from being on track, perfect even (see 3 blog posts ago), to spiralling into nothingness (now). It's as if I am back to square one again. Some things I need to unlearn, some things I need to relearn. Start afresh.

I know it's quite abstract for me to put it like that, so allow me to elaborate what happened in the past 3 to 4 months of my life.

Well firstly it all started when I quit my job. Yeah that's right, I left I didn't get fired. I left a decent paying job in a somewhat prestigious government agency without concrete plans and any other job offers. Now that I think of it, it may seem like a rather rash move, but I regret nothing. The fact of the matter is, that I could no longer bring myself to continue what I was doing. To drone on day after day doing clearly meaningless work in a 9 to 5 cycle. And the people I had to work with/work for. I had enough.

Now that would be all fine and good, I think. Because I had plans to take 1 solid month break to clear my mind, and then embark on braver things. To do side projects, to launch restaurant franchise, to do things different than the standard mold you know?

But than shit happened. As if fate would have it, less than a month after I left my job, my mom fell ill. And I'm not just talking about your standard flu or fever type of ill. And it's not like she just fell down or stuff. All of a sudden, she got hit with a stroke. I mean, by the time we saw her at the hospital, her whole fucking right side of her body could not move! It's that serious! What followed was a painful few months. She was warded at TTSH for a couple of weeks before moving to AMK Community Hospital for the first phase of rehab. They did discharge her after 2 months, but she's still nowhere close to standing and walking by herself. We still have to bring her for various therapy sessions. She still sits in a wheelchair most of the time.

In between all of this, I did manage to sneak in a 1 week holiday to Japan though I couldn't say I enjoyed that to the fullest. Tickets and stuff were bought, so I had to go. Went with my old bunch of NS buddies that, honestly haven't met in awhile but suddenly came in contact with again. At first, I had some preliminary talks with one of them to start a joint venture on the restaurant franchise. He seemed quite keen, and I didn't have enough funds on my own. But perhaps due to several disagreements along the trip, we left with mixed opinions about one another. We spoke very briefly about it again when we returned to SG, but when I tried to arrange for further meet ups, it was met with radio silence. So.... I guess that side of things fell through as well eh? I mean, I probed you several times already, at least give me a solid answer yes or no lah. WTF.

Regarding the side projects, I also did some proactive work and arranged with a university friend of mine for a meet up. It's a rather interesting idea of mine, to develop apps and IT enable small shops and businesses that know nothing of IT. We had a long a fruitful discussion about the approach, but his stand was that he didn't want to commit to anything unless we had solid understanding of their needs. Stuff that you know, takes a long time to study and survey. But that was all before my mom fell ill. It has been in limbo ever since, and I haven't followed up with him on this.

So where does all this put me? I have no idea really. It's as if a hard reset button has been hit. I left my job hoping to embark on a new adventure, to try to break the mold. But as soon a I left the door, an atomic bomb was dropped on me, rendering the wheels that I had set in motion halted. It's almost discouraging, disappointing even. My mind has been in a mess lately. Between therapy sessions for my mom, I also help her out on a daily basis, and do training with her at home. Hoping that she can one day walk again. Between that and a couple of games here and there, it doesn't leave me with much willpower to do anything productive anymore. :(

So that's been a short summary of what has been going on with me lately. Nothing has been working out and it seemed hopeless for pretty long. But I know, I know. It's no excuse right? If I'm not going to get myself together, who will? If you know anything about the real me, I'm a pretty tenacious fella. I just can't slump into despair forever. There must be a turning point somewhere. A comeback. And yes, I do intend to do just that. A recent chat with an old secondary school friend that I haven't met in quite literally a decade, got me inspired and fired up again. But this post is getting too long, and I'm not sure if anyone is even interested in reading. So I save that for a part 2 blog post for tomorrow.


Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays ~