Happy New Year: Real Talk

Hi everyone! Happy New Year 2016!

I know I'm kind of 1 whole day late for this. Apologies, I was way too busy processing holiday photos. Given that I have not updated my blog for what seems to be forever (1 month?), I think it's best that I start off with a quick recap of what has happened in the recent few weeks. Basically, I had attended AFA, SITEX, bought a new camera, and set up my BoC account, just like I said I would. Additionally, I went on a 1 week short trip to Japan again for holidays, which is why I disappeared for so long. And now I'm back! Terribly disappointed that I am no longer in Japan though, and I have thousands of photos to go through. Ouch.

Sorry I didn't post earlier, by AFA photos available here. I don't think I'll have a reflections post this time round. Just don't have the time for that. I will continue going for and reflecting on the events for at least the first half of the year. Then we'll see from there.

What I DO want to talk about here, is the whole new year's resolution thingy type of post. Except, I'm not going to do it in the same very cliche way everyone does. This time, I honestly feel very passionate and compelled to talk about this. And if you would have guessed it, this is somehow fuelled by my recent visit to Japan. More so than ever in my life, I feel dissatisfied, disappointed, angry even, that I can continue to sit here and do nothing! Am I going to rot here forever, until my parents age and fade away? Until I eventually do the same, but alone? Am I going to die in this country that can't fathom me, with no accompaniment? Very mortal thoughts just hit me along the way. Reality just got very real.

Here's the thing. I love Japan. And when I say love I mean LOVE. Everything about it. The culture, the people, the language, the technology, the landscape, their mindsets, their products. All of it. So I don't know why I haven't given serious thought about it earlier. I want to LIVE in Japan! Work there, stay there, settle down there, have a family there. Going by my reflections on my previous trip, this round has not changed, only reinforced those observations. They are literally like a more advanced lifeform that is at least years ahead of us. I would hence be doing my descendants a disservice if I know this for a fact, and not choose to reproduce there. It's the very least I can do for my kids, if I even have any. Judging by my current state in this country, it ain't happening. Going over won't guarantee it, by it's worth the chance.

Yes this is a very real and RAW post. Everything I say is from my heart, my deepest desires and wishes. I am finally putting it all out here. I'm done with being careful and boring. My sister is right, I often take too neutral and reserved a stance. I MUST express and fight for what I want. I must MOVE, I must ACT, I must FIGHT, I must DO. I am not young anymore, despite how I want to preserve it. This is the most critical period that I can use to change my life. I HAVE to do it.

That's all nice and good, but then here comes the problem right? How do I get it done?

Well, I don't have the full game plan out yet. I know I need one. But the pan hasn't changed much from what I had envisioned for "Philson 2020". I still need to stay young and healthy, and amass my wealth. And then when I am sufficiently successful, I shall find a job and go to work in Japan, eventually working my way to a citizenship. That's the only way I can see it. And I need to be serious and active about it. It is a life goal.

I don't know about you, but for once in my life, I have something that I know I want to work towards. All my life, I have been a wandering floating twig in the river. I go where the currents take me. Granted, I have done sufficiently well enough at whatever I happened to do, but I honestly never truly loved what I was doing, or strived towards something with unwavering determination. That's just not how you would describe me. I was someone who was never truly into it, results regardless. I was ALWAYS too passive. It's time I awakened that aggressive side of me. The side that I have sealed away for so many years. The daring yet mischievous me that I had left in primary school. I have to.


In all seriousness though. I really need to work towards what I want. What I envision for myself in the future. No more drifting in the river and expecting things to work out for me. I has to be actively chased. And I need no approval from anyone. Not my parents, not my friends. This is some thing I myself want. I need to just do it.

And THAT is my new year's resolution. To work hard towards my goal. From all dimensions of the Philson 2020 plan. I have to. I need to. And now more importantly than ever, I WANT to.