That's more than a month ago already... It's been quite awhile since I've blogged...
But I realise that eventually, I will keep coming back to this blog. Why? Because I really don't have anyone else to confide in. If I stop doing this for extended periods of time, I think I'll start to lose my sanity. Which is kinda what is already starting to happen now. Sure, I have matured much within this month or so timeframe. But I'm not certain if this is the correct direction I should be heading in. With no results, things are fairly uncertain.
So what have I been doing all this time. Growing rich and successful, is what I wish I could say. Rather, I feel like all I've been doing is running away and avoiding my problems. Basically, I've been playing more and more Dota, nonstop. This year, they released the TI5 Compendium pretty early. So, in order to support the game I love and to play and earn freebies, I bought a Compendium and have ever since been playing to hit all the goals. IT's challenging but fun at the same time.
It seems, I've pushed everything else to the wayside. There are a couple of reasons for that though. Part of the reason is to get rid of and immunize myself to all the poison and toxic in my life. I'm sick and tired of people trying to criticize everything I do, and put me down all the time. Fuck yall. I'm gonna start ignoring all of those bullshit. Why should I feel down and out because of something someone said. I am me, and I am fairly certain my knowledge and intellect is quite capable to handle most common things thrown at me. There should never be a moment of self-doubt creeping in. It's poisonous and degrades my confidence.
The second reason is fairly related to the first. To a certain extent, I have given up already. Given up in chasing the impossible, given up on trying to get what I can't have, given up on trying to please everyone. At this stage, I think I've see it all. The world, society, in it's ugliest and most disgusting true form. There really is not much hope left for me in our society. The more I know, the more I am disappointed. It's all quite pointless though, what's there left to look forward to in life? Really.
BUT. I do know I should not be thinking that way. It's just this self-destructive thoughts that keep on creeping back to me. Especially when I am dejected and completely disappointed with what I have failed to accomplish. Coz honestly, what do I have. Nothing. Nothing at all. Everyday is the same boring cycle of adult life. Wake up, go to work whole day, come back home damn shagged, play some games, then go to sleep. Repeat. BORING, with a capital BORING!
That being said, I have been doing other things to supplement my time. Apart from Dota gaming everyday, I still have my Friday Japanese lessons. That kind of the only fun thing I look forward to every week. TGIF. Oh, and I still go for my weekly gym session as well. Although, 1 session really isn't enough. I'm looking to push it to at least twice a week. But I'll have to move my lazy bum for that. Lastly, I have recently found a lobang for my side business as well. Not any big business or anything, I'm forbidden from running a fulltime business. I'm just selling small items online for small change. But enough to subsidize quite a bit of my monthly spending. More than 5x profit margin. Good enough. Hope it grows bigger. :)
I think.... I need to go on another long holiday...
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