Escapism

Ok I dunno what's wrong with me. I haven't been doing anything productive for 2 weeks already. Firstly, I gave the excuse that it's because of the Dota 2 New Bloom event. So, I have been camping and slogging out the event to farm for free items. But then the week after the event ended, I still didn't do anything. Basically just slacked and played a bunch more of Dota. It's kind of time wasting and totally unproductive. So as you have guessed, I have not accomplished anything that I set out to do. Even people I have told about it have started asking me if I have signed up for a gym yet. The answer is no.

The issue is escapism, or rather too much of it. The truth is, I feel like my life sux. Honestly true to heart, I will tell you I am not happy with my life. I am sure there are quite a few people in the same situation as me, it seems to be a natural development in modern asian cities like ours. So when you encounter such problems, there are really only 2 ways to handle it right? Fight or Flight? That's exactly as the ancient adage goes. Unfortunately, fighting in this scenario is immensely hard to do. Sure, there are people who can do it, and I happen to know a crazy guy who is hard-headed enough to do this kind of things, but it's tough man...

To exacerbate this, escapism is becoming ever more easy to find nowadays. There are a myriad of ways to just escape all this shit and find something to do online. Your own little cave and bubble to run and hide to and ignore all the bullshit. Previously, kids went out to arcades, mixed with bad company, picked up smoking or drugs. Nowadays, it's so much more effortless. You just go online, immerse yourself into games and online communities, and ignore the real world entirely. And I truly think this is bad. Sure, you are protected from physical harm in the sense of drugs and gang fights. But I'd argue that what psychological damage you sustain from this is a far greater poison than that of any drug. Let's not even touch on the cases of online abuse and cyber bullying.

It's just becoming an ever more complex and connected world, where more and more of our needs and desires can be satiated by what's found online. This strongly encourages people to adopt the hermit mentality and just run away from all their problems. In the past, sure there might be a lot worse stuff like fights happening. But, at least it brings all your problems upfront to hit you in the face - figuratively and literally- and you are forced to solve all your problems IRL. Yes, I have seen my fair share of such people since I come from an "ah beng" school. Sometimes, I feel that facing your problems upfront is way better than keeping it all bottled up inside for years. We are not at the extreme stages yet, but if this trend continues to spiral, we just might see an increase in suicide cases in our country. I mean, you can take Japan as a benchmark. They are way more advanced than us, and yet we share quite similar circumstances. It's just a theory of mine, but I think that's the worse case that may happen in future.

So knowing all of this, why don't I change what I am doing and focus on improving myself IRL and not play games anymore? Well to put it bluntly, I have about as much willpower as a fat pampered cat. It seems that I already know all the right things to do and just can't get down to doing it. Change is tough, and is painful as a bitch. Status quo is easy, and escapism is readily available. You see my problem? Perhaps I don't have enough courage, perhaps I don't possess enough aggression. Maybe I just need to fight it out, take drastic measures, hurt myself a bit. Maybe I am the type that needs people to push me. But honestly, ain't nobody got time fo that! How now brown cow?

I am stumped. For a period of time I was really pumped about working and making progress in life. But then it all became overwhelming and honestly just tiring and boring. I basically have not much time or energy left to do the things that I want to do. And when I want to squeeze in leisure activities like games, it's already super late at night. Blink an eye, and weekends are over, back to work. Maybe work is the problem? But I don't hate my job, I just don't love it either. I guess I really just want a greater degree of freedom in my life. Perhaps I was born to do entrepreneurship? Am I ready for it though?

I really don't know. Too many uncertainties. But 1 thing I do know, I need to take serious drastic measures to change my lifestyle to fit my new working life. And that starts, by cutting my gaming. I know, I know, I've probably said it countless times before. But this time I will consciously try to do it ok? I'm gonna fight it out. I won't totally quit Dota, but I will stop playing so actively, and only play when my friends need people to join. Sort of a temporary retirement until I can get life in order. This will at least free up some of my time to focus on my real life, friends and family that I basically ignore when I am in game. FIGHT ON!