Purpose?

Part 2 to the post below. Sort of.

I want to take this blog post to ponder about my purpose in life. Like, what is my calling, what am I supposed to be. I was just packing my room recently, and throwing out tons of trash and old stuff to clear up my room and make it tidy. Whilst going thru all my stuff, I came across several important artifacts that triggered my memories. Trust me, it was full of nostalgia. All the memories started coming back. Take this primary school photo for instance:

Wow. I was really young and naive back then! But I can tell you that Primary 6 was the most fun year of my life. Ever. All the friends and people I mixed with were really friendly, mischievous and fun. It's the age where you old enough to be aware of things, but young enough to still do anything. I still remember that time the final exam, I was the only 1 in my class to score an A* for science. I was so proud that I said wanted to be a scientist. The second place was my friend Serene, who only scored an A. In the end, after PSLE we all went to different secondary schools. I think she went to a convent school, I went to a boys school. Basically, I never got to see any of my friends ever again. Last time no Facebook and handphone. Yes, last time kids were not so fortunate ok! There's a lot more photos and memories of other things, but I shall not share them for now, will post everything on FB soon...

But, my whole point is, I have come so far, and done so much. In the end, what is my purpose in life? With all that I have achieved thus far, what should I be doing next? What must I do such that I won't regret the most fertile period of my life? All these questions continue to swirl around my head, for several weeks now. Normally, I have school work to keep me busy to stop myself from thinking too much about things. But now that I have time to unwind, it's time for self-reflection and reassessing my life. If you've seen my previous blog post, most of my friends have moved on in life, they are leading somewhat successful and happy lives. What about me?

Also, I feel an added extra unnecessary pressure to perform. To outperform and to bring success to my family. One of the reason, is that I am the only grandson on the paternal side of the family bearing my surname. In other words, I am the last person in my family with the surname NAH. So called the heir if you will. It is hence my unspoken duty to carry on the family name. But with cousins who are lawyers and accountants, it is even more stressful for me to outperform them. Some more they are pretty show-off whenever we have family gatherings. Pfft.

But that's all not as important to me. I am also the only son in my immediate family, meaning I feel a duty to bring success and fortune to my family, especially to my parents who have brought me up over the years. Sure, we don't always see eye to eye, but I still have a duty to this family. My dad worked really hard in his early years, to bring our family from lower-middle income to upper-middle income. He is the solo earner in the house, supporting us and also my late grandfather and useless uncles. It is hence my responsibility to bring my family one notch up, to progress to the high income bracket, so that future generations can enjoy the fruits of our labour.

How am I going to do that is a whole other story. At this point in time, I have so success or potential future generations to speak of. Which is why I am in a dilemma, not knowing what to do with my life. I will seriously need to sit down and think, to plan, to use all the intellect I have garnered over the years, to figure out what the heck I want to achieve...

#memories