I am not a Programmer!

"I have evolved, and long since transcended that level. I will not allow myself to be bound to it."

Okay, I felt so compelled by a sudden realization from a recent conversation, that I had to write this blog post. Worst case, I fear, I may have been cheated into accepting something that I will eventually come to hate.

I'm talking of course, about my job offer. I was not even fully aware of the details when I accepted their provisional offer. But from what my friend say, it could be that I have put myself in a programmer type of role. THATS NOT WHAT I WANT!

I know I am good at programming, but honestly, I've done so much that I'm totally sick of it. I have long since moved on to do bigger things. I am now more aware of the business aspects of IT. I like to design, plan, and apply IT to solve problems. Because, I feel that it's too shallow, to just be implementing and executing on the small minute and mundane programming tasks. I can do so much more, I AM capable of doing so much more, I WANT to do so much more.

True, I was a developer extraordinaire back in my early days in college. Year 1 and 2, I was all in to the Java, HTML5, CSS, Javascript. I could build mobile and web applications. I picked up most of those skills by myself during internship. But my purpose for doing that, is not to intend to build my career on programming.

What I wanted to do is to form a strong foundation for myself, so that I truly understand the technicalities of the things I will be managing and dealing with in future. Too often, project managers don't understand the underlying technologies, and end up making mistakes, or getting cheated. That was the whole idea. Build a strong foundation, and then move on from there to do bigger things.

As a first job, being a programmer is most certainly NOT what I want to do. I'd rather remain jobless. What I'm looking to do for a first job, is to gain as much industry experience as I can. I want to understand more about the business needs and expectations of IT clients and vendors. I'd like to be able to go out and talk to these parties, meet people, negotiate and collect requirements. Apply IT solutions to meet these needs. See, a largely deskbound programming role is definitely not on my agenda.

Am I capable of doing it though? Well, I'd like to think I'm more than qualified to do that. If anything, I don't make an efficient programmer anymore. You can just ask my friend Chih Yong! During all our meetings, I'm always the planner. The whiteboard is my friend. I just have a way of breaking down things, be it problems, tasks, reports, presentations or requirements, into smaller and easier to understand points. I can decide at a high level, what is needed, what works and what doesn't, what theories we can apply.

On the flip side, I can't do efficient programming anymore. I was never too efficient to begin with. I can chiong overnight in a pinch, but on usual days, I can take months to accomplish anything. Seriously! I'm not proud to say, but my FYP system development has stalled for close to a month, because I procrastinate and dread just sitting down the whole day coding. Even for that mobile app project that I scored 'A' for, I must admit that Chih Yong did most of the coding. I came up with the whole idea, decided on the features, and planned the whole project. But in terms of coding, I only did the UI design and layout. Now you see where my strengths lie?

I think the problem, is my fault. I have this one line in my resume, that says I am interested in Web and Mobile technologies, which is true! But I wrote that in year 2, and since then, that isn't the only thing I am interested in anymore. I really need to change that shit. I think it's giving HR people the wrong impression. I wanna say HR folks don't understand tech, but that's a whole other discussion. I ought to put out my interests more clearly. Now I'm screwed. I've potentially put myself into a role I know I will hate. What can I do??!!

I really need to clarify with the HR guy when he calls me again. In the meantime, I have another interview with another agency on Thursday. If they can offer me a better role, even marginally better, looks like I'll hope on to that first. I am that serious. Also, I think I need to start applying for more positions in other companies as well. Perhaps I should apply for those jobs in Japan. I'd really like to go there. Living there could be fun.

Argh!!!!!! This is not what I need right now. I have a shit ton of things on my mind already. This just added more shit for me to think about. Also, I'm having problems planning my grad trip. My family isn't free in June/July. I need to find some people to go with! Please message me if you can let me join in! PLEASE! Otherwise, looks like I will have to signup some tour package and go alone. Besides those problems, still got projects, still got fyp, still got problematic group members, job hunt.... My head is gonna explode!

At least I have let off some steam here. Shall go listen to music.