Musings: Communities

I basically took leave to get a 4 day long weekend to stay at home. That's crazy how I burnt my weekend like that. After what was 3 weeks of events back to back. I suppose you could say that I deserved the break? But honestly I didn't even complete the action plan I set out to do., only some of it. I did put up my blog post, but that's about it. I tried to push for holiday planning, with limited success. My and my sis chose our tour packages already. But the folks refuse to commit, saying it's too early. They prefer last minute, so ok I hands off already. I also tried to go out to buy my camera, but couldn't find the COMEX price already, all too expensive. And didn't go shopping for my sneakers coz the haze is being a bitch.

But that's a short update and ranting. Not the main purpose of this post.

One thing I realised over the past few weeks that is both inconspicuous and yet powerful, is that people need communities. It's a simple fact, that is so taken for granted that nobody notices it. Being part of an active community is powerful way to open a flowing tap of happiness and satisfaction.

I have been musing over it over many weeks. Basically thinking through the life me and my close friend at work went through. I would say his is slightly better than mine, but still not quite good enough. He is lonely as his girlfriend is overseas. Without going too much into personal details, I would say that the first stage is to have a good hobby. One that is prominent and social enough that you get a chance to interact with some people. That is stage one. The next stage is to join and be part of an active community that shares the hobby. And most importantly, participate actively in all events that the community offers, or even organize your own!

Through communities, you will experience new events and learn new things. You will make new acquaintances, close friends, and possibly even spouses. Through communities, you will build your external family and support systems. Somewhere you can always turn to when it all goes wrong and everything crumbles down. The companionship and camaraderie that is so often taken for granted, can be the pillar of your support in times of great distress. Provided you identify strongly with a community.

Now that I look back and reflect on my own life, I have never really been part of any community of sorts. Now I truly understand why all those years ago, they kept forcing us to join CCA groups. The idea was to put us in a likeminded group so that we may expand on which and form a close knit community, a family. Pity, I for one never took CCAs very seriously. I always took the easy way out and joined the CCA with the least commitment and physical activities. In gist, I was a fucking lazy bastard.

In primary school, at least I was in badminton for 1 year or so. My Pri 5 form teacher was the teacher in charge. He sent us for some national competition for which we lost miserably. But that's child's play, not important. In secondary school, wrong school choice aside, I joined one of the most slack and anti-social CCAs. Ok to be fair, I was in St. John's Brigade for 1 year. I think things would have been marginally better if I had continued down that path. But as twist of fate would have it, the CCA closed down when I was in Sec 2 because there was not enough people joining. I mean what you expect of St. John's in an all boys school with NCC, NPCC and Military Band. Who's gonna join right?

So yes, I did join the AVA club in Sec 3 and Sec 4. A pretty much useless CCA that just involved me playing assembly music and helping teachers set up the OHP. I mean, bright side is that I learnt a bit more technical stuff out of it that helped fuel my computing in the end. But what I am saying is that there was no sense of community in it. It was pretty anti-social work. Worse! Is that I continued down that path and CHOSE to take up AVA again during my JC days. It didn't help that my JC class was a group of 18 losers with a grand total of 3 girls. The blight of being in a H2 Computing class. Worse upon worse, I was too much of a coward and too blur to go ask around the CCA booths at the matriculation fair in uni. Which means I had NO CCA in university, and did not stay at any of the halls!

Why am I telling you my life story now? Well the way I see it, I've never had a chance to join a proper community, never had friends and nakama outside of my home, and that's bad. Friends and classmates come and go, but a community bound by common interests and regular events is likely to last. And I am not part of any. Is there any question left why I do not have any group of friends?

Coming back to present day, what really set of my chain of thought, was attending a colleague's wedding. He had just married his girlfriend whom he met in poly through his religious group CCA. He is part of some SOKA association thing. But that's besides the point, certain religions are also a very powerful social network for you to form your community. Regular mass and prayer sessions, church camps, break fasting and other events and good times to bond with others. In a way I kind of envy those with religions, not for their blind faith, but for the community and support systems they had been born into. They just inherited that shit.

Then what's the whole point of this post? Is there any moral of the story? Well honestly, I haven't got there yet. What I do know, is that I should join a community. Something I can identify with and be a part of. What is that community, I haven't found out yet sadly. I am still feeling my way around in the dark. In the meantime, I shall continue going to events, in hopes that someone will talk me up with some opportunities. I honestly have no clue how to get started after close to 20 years of lonesomeness. I have always been just by myself. Maybe am repulsive? Maybe I push people away? Whatever the case, it was my life decisions, and I live with the regrets.

My life is so painfully sad that it's funny. I laugh sometimes.