Finale: Regrets

Everything that has a beginning, has an end.

Well, I just went down to school again to collect my graduation gown today. Went solo as usual. Didn't get to meet any friends. Saw 2 people I knew. Didn't talk to Cally coz she was with her friend. Talked a bit with Teck Beng just casual chit chat. Found out that Benjamin is already out of a job. His contract ended, sad. And to think, I haven't even started work yet. lol.

Other than that, not much happened today. The main point of this post is to recap what I have been through these 4 years. I've been meaning to write this post for damn long, but keep putting it off because it's gonna end up being all about regrets. But then I think to myself, if I don't put an ending to it then I can't start anew. So might as well get it out of the system.


Year 1
Actually, even before year 1. Like pre-matriculation. I kinda regret not going for the orientation camp. Perhaps I would have end up knowing more people, being more brave and socializing more. The thing it that, I thought The Orientation Week would be sufficient, since that has all the important stuff. But it doesn't have as many fun activities mah... lol. Another downside is that because of this, I didn't mix around with more of the seniors much. Sounds like a small matter, but has humongous repercussions that snowballs and affects your entire university life.

You see, in year 1 planning is fucking important. You need to know what you wanna do right then and there. For example, you need to gather information on which are the killer modules and which semester lecturer is better. Plan strategically. Tangential to that, is that you need to find out which modules can or cannot be mapped overseas, and make sure you don't take them first. Best is map away all the killer mods. Something I couldn't do, because I stupidly took all of them in Year 1. FML.

Another major regret is not applying to stay in hall, and not getting a CCA. The most retarded thing is, I missed the application date. Not sure is it because I was in the FOW and didn't check my email much, or just I damn blur and not aware of things all the time. But this one another thing that just snowball my entire uni life. Because I stay at SengKang, I had spent numerous hours in train rides to and from school. So much time and energy wasted man. The CCA thing, is partly related to the hall thing since I stay far. But also, because I didn't know how to apply. I think we were supposed to apply at the Matric Fair or something, but I went home early so I didn't spend a lot of time at the event. I thought there would be some application forms, coz CCA has been compulsory all the way up to JC. Shit. Then because of this, again I don't get a chance to know more people. KNN.

I think I have the most regrets in Year 1. Still got small things like, not applying for internships and other programs, screwing up my first semester grades, etc. Also, I regret being so emotionally attached to particular people. It's like a huge investment that you put in, but see no returns. 0% ROI. I should have been more open overall, and socialize with more people. But I guess I'm just more used to dedicating my time more to a few close friends.


Year 2
Year 2 was still a pretty ok year for me. Sure, I was still sour over that incident, but I was feeling more empowered and motivated. Problem is, I really can't compete in the business modules. It's not your faculty, so you don't know how they roll. Should have stayed out of it. Semester 2 was much better, as I wake up my idea and worked much harder. Got into Dean's List and was really happy about it. This time round, I took an internship with a small startup and had some fun there. They sent me to Malaysia for some training trips which I enjoyed. First time in Malaysia tbh, and I really like the cheap food there.

I remember this was also the year where I seriously tried hard to plan to go for exchange in Year 3. Unfortunately.... Benjamin bailed on me the last minute with fears of not being able to map anything. Seeing as there wasn't a lot for me to take, and not wanting to risk going alone, I also pulled out of it, costing me $200 for nothing. Oh ya, one major ultimate regret for this semester, is that I spent one of my SU on a B- Stats module. In hindsight, I should have saved that for my 'C+' grade that I got in future. Shouldn't have spent it all at once. Dammit.


Year 3
Year 3 was the maturity year. I became more mature and aware of how things work. Lao jiao already, so you are more powerful. But I did let it get to my head though. As a result, my 8MC module only for B+, and then the IS2102 that supposed to be guaranteed A also B+. Such is life. But as usual, I will always bounce back in Sem 2. This time with an A+ for ebusiness mod, but fucking C+ for Outsourcing mod costed me my Dean's List. CCB.

Besides that... I think I wasted a fuck load of time applying for Bank internships during Year 3. Got a couple of calls and 1 interview. The rest of them bochap me. In the end also kena rejected. Fuck them, I guess I'm just not suitable for the finance industry. Bunch of con men that think too highly of themselves. Actually they don't really understand IT either, so whatever. So, I turn my eyes to public service. Secure job, no foreigner competition, good work-life balance. What more do you need. I went to several of their road shows, and that's how I ended up with my offer.

Year 4
Year 4 kinda sad lah. I regret putting off my Statistics mod until so late. At this point, I have become mostly IS fluff, and my Maths probably not even Secondary School standard. How to fight ah tiong?!! Not to mention the lecturer is one of a kind expert at putting people to sleep. Even the PRCs cannot stand him. So much so that there were so few people in lectures. And then his exam paper reuse questions. The one that I didn't copy. WTF!!! Also got an unexpected C+ for Project Management CLOSED BOOK exam. Who in the right mind will make a 40% CLOSED BOOK exam for a PROJECT MANAGEMENT module??? Walao eh Kish...

Also during this period, I bravely went to take on an FYP project, but again not without problems. Actually I went to apply through the system for Danny Poo project, but the experience with that project wasn't what I wanted. So, I quit and changed project. Switched to the more reliable TWK. I kinda regret my Year 4 because I did not put in as much effort into my FYP as I should have. There was too much leeway and independent research that I started to slack off. Not to mention, James burdened me with that project for Great Eastern, which also ate up a lot of my time. But those somehow ended up fine. The stats and proj management were the ones that killed it and costed me my second upper. Haiz, so close yet so far. Missed by a hairs breadth. FML.


Well, I guess that's my brief reflection over the past 4 years. Basically I missed many important chances and opportunities, and I let myself down by not working hard enough at crucial moments. Hence, the only suitable title is Regrets. The only thing left for me to do now, is to move past this, and ensure that I start seizing new opportunities immediately as they are presented to me, and never get too complacent even when I'm far ahead. I think these are the 2 major challenges I face in life. Playing it too passively.

Right now, I'm still enjoying my holidays. I hope to plan a trip sometime soon, but I can't really find anyone at all to go with. Should I just go alone? A bit jarring and inconvenient leh... :-/